I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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