my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
