you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
