Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
