If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
