dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
