And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
