i can't believe i had my finger in that
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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