I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
