Non-Jews are for practice
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Come see our sink grown plant.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
