when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
