Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
