I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
