i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
