im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
