Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think your dad took our porno
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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