Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
