The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
