the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
