Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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