Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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