just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
