Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
