11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
