My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
