called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
