i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Boobs speak an international language.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
