I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
