What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
smell my finger.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
