she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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