She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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