Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
