they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
