$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
