Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
from now on my penis is your penis
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
