just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
