I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
