her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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