Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
