I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
