I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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