Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
