im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
