Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Acid is not a monday night drug
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
