He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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