she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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