I must be too annoying 4 u.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
