I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
