where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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