Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
