guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
