went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
