If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
