My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
