You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
